Have you ever felt judged for being overweight?
I was obese for most of my life. I felt invisible. I was judged by my peers for being unable to shop at the same fashionable stores due to my size. Customer service workers even treated me differently than my skinnier friends, too. And of course people often made untoward comments about my weight.
Have you ever felt invisible, or judged, due to your size? How do you cope with these judgements?
Hello,
I am brand new to this group. I am glad to have a chance to respond to the above post.
Not only have I experienced firsthand being treated differently because of my weight, but when I wear makeup compared to no makeup that makes a difference also. I feel like I can say this because I have been thinner and heavier and I have worn makeup at times while other times I wear no makeup. There is definitely a difference in the way I have been treated by strangers out in public.
I don't think most people are capable of even recognizing their bias. Perception, attitude, and experiences, and most importantly, a lack of understanding of the facts surrounding obesity. I also believe that thin people believe that all overweight people do nothing but sit around and eat cake, pie, & ice cream while sitting on the couch 24 hrs. a day, and never moving off of said couch.Thanks so much for sharing this perspective. It's so true that people judge others based on their weight, and aren't willing (or able) to recognize this bias! Personally I have been overweight for most of my life and I know when people are treating me different than other people at lower weights. I also have experience living in a bigger verses a smaller body. It disheartening when people treat me worse just because I'm existing in a larger body! I'm really glad you mentioned that wearing makeup also affects how people see you and treat you. It's so frustrating when this happens. I often feel pressured to wear makeup when I go out in public, because I know that people will treat me worse if I don't... do you have this problem? Warmly, Tatiana (obesity.net team member)
I am sorry to hear that you went through all this, honey. I read your story, and I kinda felt each and every word you mentioned. There were days when I was body-shamed by my own family. Coming something of this sort from your family rather than support and love feels terrible. I have an incident to share from my dating life; I used to date a homeless guy. Ya, ik you guys will judge me on that, but please do not!!
One morning, I spotted him outside my home, picking up food from the trash and eating it. I felt bad; I was packing my breakfast and added 2 extra sandwiches for him. I met him on the school bus and offered him food, and he immediately took it. That’s how we became friends. At that time, I was a cute and chubby chick.
One day, I offered him to shower at my place and change clothes. He came by, I offered my dad’s clothes to him, he looked nice and all, at that moment I thought I started liking him. After a few more days of hanging out sessions, we came closer. I believed he loved me, loved me for who I am. Obese! Fat! Chubby!... I was wrong.
I was just being used for my kindness and for regular day-to-day stuff. He played me, he used me, and when I confronted him, he lashed out at me and told me to f-off from his life! WHY? Because I was an ugly fat chick!! That day, my world fell apart. When he left my place after this confession, I broke down. I shared this with my sister, and she slammed me for being overweight and that I will never get a guy.
Imagine a 17-year-old girl being called out for her medical condition by the ones she thought were close. I went into depression and started staying in my room. My parents couldn’t care less about me; they didn’t come up to me and just asked how I was doing. I desperately wanted to take my life and felt that there was no point in living this way.
Never mind, my best friend, Lily, she broke into my room after a week and took me to the doctor. I was hospitalized for 2 weeks. After coming back to life, I was counseled by the Dr to believe in myself, and he prescribed me Orlimax capsule. It has been a game-changer for me ever since. It has really helped me cope with my condition and in weight management.
To feel better, I started surrounding myself with people who loved me for who I was. I moved out of my house, started living alone, and am happy with Lily. We’re about to get married next month. I love her because she loved me when I couldn’t love myself.I hope you find the love and respect you deserve too ♥️
Love & Hugs!!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It sounds like you’ve been through quite a lot, and I’m truly sorry for the pain you experienced. I can't imagine how upsetting that must have been to put yourself out there only to be treated with disrespect and rudeness. I'm so glad that you had your friend in your life to be such a big support to you. We should all be so lucky to have a friendship like yours. I'm glad to hear that you are feeling better. What you said about surrounding yourself with people who love you for you is so important and something we all need reminding of here and there. Thank you again for sharing and I hope to see you around in the community, Chloe. - Kayleigh, Team Member I am so sorry to hear that your kindness was taken advantage of in this way. No judgement at all - I have been there. And what happened to you is not your fault. When some of us are raised with messages that we are not worthy of love, we will accept any attention or scraps of love that are given to us. You did not deserve the treatment you received from your boyfriend or your family. I am SO GRATEFUL you had your Lily when you needed her. Congratulations on your marriage! I wish you two many happy years together. I am so happy that you were able to learn to love yourself. Learning to be loved can take time, but it is worth it in the end. I didn't realize that there are medications that can help with weight management! I'm so glad you found a treatment plan that works for you. Best of luck to you and yours! Warmest regards, Tatiana (obesity.net team member)
Mine even came from my family judging me also
I'm sorry to hear that even family was judgemental of you based on your size. Sometimes it comes from the people closest to us and that always hurts the worst. Hopefully though you've since been able to brush the comments or looks off your shoulders and have allowed yourself to embrace who you despite what your appearance might be. Those that love you will love you for who you are, not for what you look like. Big hugs! ~Shay (Team Member)
I have worked with a lot of people who have been harshly judged. I have noticed that those who cope with it well often do not internalize the judgement. It’s difficult to imagine that when everyone around you tells you, “you are like this” that you can stay steady and disagree with them, and not start to believe that is true about yourself. But I have seen that some people can manage it. Not sure what their secret is… self-love? Self-acceptance? What do you think?
I think this is a great place to start! Personally I also think there are other factors, such as community and other social supports, mindful media consumption, and healthy parenting/attachment styles, are important for predicting how well people are able to cope with outside judgement. For example, someone who is isolated, who has an anxious attachment style due to insecure or otherwise indecent parenting, and who consumes a lot of mainstream media depicting unrealistic body standards are most likely to internally suffer from negative opinions that others have about them based on their size and weight. I know that this was the case for me, at least. All of these factors added up to a reduced ability to withstand social opinions about my body, and by extension, myself. I have found better coping skills with the use of talk therapy (I've attended therapy twice a month since the year 2020!) I still have a long ways to go, however, I think it's important to recognize how far I've come as well. Thank you for this thought-provoking question! Warmest regards, Tatiana (obesity.net team member)
