The Audacity to Be Happy

As much as we like to say that change has happened, we still live in a society that typically equates thinness with happiness and success. Living a well-rounded life as a fat woman can seem like the rarest of rare unicorns according to society. Look, the show Baby Reindeer won several Emmy awards and it centered around an obsessed fan who was the stereotype of the lonely fat woman. Society has long perpetuated the notion that to be fat is to be unhappy, unhealthy, and unworthy.

Yet, here I am, thriving and content, challenging these stereotypes every day. It has taken me more than half my life to to finally live joyfully and unapologetically as a fat woman. Not every day is a great, or even good, one. Overall, it is a nifty little life. Yet, there are still people who are out to ruin a sunny day.

The weight of societal expectations

From a young age, I felt bombarded with messages that taking up space was a bad thing. These messages came from various sources: media, family, friends, and even strangers. They told me and others that to be happy, we must live in a body that was not necessarily our own. This pervasive story can cause a sense of body dissatisfaction.

However, it is essential to recognize that these societal expectations are just that: expectations. They are not truths. They are not laws. But I've realized there are some people who have decided that it is their job to reinforce these expectations. They come in many types and can be found roaming the Earth ready to attack a fat person at any time. The 2 biggest offenders are found at restaurants and free roaming the streets.

The restaurant overseer

One of the most significant misconceptions about fat people is that we are inherently unhealthy. This assumption is not only incorrect but also harmful. Health is a complex and multifaceted concept that cannot be determined solely by one's weight.¹

Factors such as genetics, lifestyle, mental health, and social determinants of health all play crucial roles in an individual's overall well-being. For the Eatery Fat Police a 4-alarm fire seems to be brewing in their heads the minute they see a fat person. They take it as their place to make it clear that they are watching you ... and your plate.

I see the more subtle folks just look over several times as my food arrives. They are mentally looking for what they consider healthy foods. If I should order something fried or sweet, they shake their head while looking at their equally nosy companion. The more bold type will openly question or mock my plate. Of course it is all in good fun.

If you have even had either experience, it can make eating at a restaurant a stressful time. Arming myself with a dead-eye stare and frown has done much to end the stares and stops the jokesters in their tracks. Preparing yourself for these possible encounters is staying ready so you don't need to be ready.

Fake concern from strangers

Self-acceptance is a journey, not a destination. It has been a continuous process of learning to understand and appreciate myself, flaws and all. Lots of flaws and all. For many of us obese women, this journey is filled with challenges, as we navigate a new world that celebrates body differences, yet often tells us we are not enough.

As difficult the journey is, the feeling of self-acceptance is also incredibly liberating. It allows us to live authentically and unapologetically. To me, living authentically means not wearing a mask of who others want us to be. It is being comfortable in my own skin and being okay with myself in those quiet moments.

Self-acceptance is my armor

Self-acceptance is the suit of armor that is most needed for the stranger who exhibits fake concern. I can spot them a mile away. It usually starts with a smile from a random person. Not just the kind that happens when eyes meet. No, this is the one I can feel boring a hole in the side of my head or lasts a little bit too long. Unfortunately, returning that smile seems to be the invitation that they were waiting for.

The approach is gentle. And then they hit me with the question of whether I have wanted or tried to lose weight. The question is followed by an apology. Then the health concern lecture starts. It can be traditional medicine, complementary medicine, or surgical intervention. In the moment it can be startling, but remember no one has the right to approach you about the body in which you live. Feel free to give back to the them the energy they have for you.

A supportive community helps

Living a well-rounded life as a fat person is not something that can be done completely in isolation. It requires a supportive community of friends, family, or allies who understand and respect our experiences. This community can provide the encouragement and validation we need to thrive in a world that often seeks to tear us down. If you have access to a computer, then the possibilities are available to find a community of people who can uplift each other. This is where you might be able to learn a snappy comeback or other words you can use to protect yourself when needed.

For me, building this community has been essential. It has given me the strength to challenge societal norms and live my life on my terms. It has also provided me with a sense of belonging and connection that is invaluable. Whether through online communities, support groups, or close friendships, finding and nurturing these relationships is crucial. The can provide some respite from a world that can be in your face.

Why I go out as much as I can

Representation matters. Seeing a fat women living a happy, successful life can be incredibly empowering. It challenges the stereotypes and misconceptions that society holds about us and provides a blueprint for what is possible. Representation can come in many forms: media, literature, art, and everyday life.

For me, seeing fat women who are confident, successful, and happy has been a source of inspiration. It has shown me that I am not alone and that my dreams and aspirations are valid. It has also motivated me to be a source of representation for others, to show that it is possible to live a well-rounded life as a fat woman.

Keep living as best I can

Living a well-rounded life as a fat woman is an act of audacity. It is a rejection of the societal norms that seek to define our worth by our size. It is an embrace of self-acceptance, health, and happiness. It is a commitment to living our lives on our terms and finding joy and fulfillment in the process.

As a fat woman, I know that my worth is not determined by my rotundness. In a world that often tells us we are not enough, living a bold life as a fat woman is an act of defiance. It is a declaration that we are worthy, we are valuable, and we deserve to be happy. And that, in itself, is a beautiful thing.