Binge Eating and Shame: Breaking the Cycle

Have you noticed that when your confidence takes a hit, your binge-eating gets worse?

Not everyone who is classified as 'obese' experiences binge-eating. However, those who have lived with obesity know how difficult it is to end the binge-eating cycle of shame.

The binge eating cycle of shame

What is this cycle, you ask?

The binge-eating cycle of shame is what happens when I am feeling down enough to relapse into binge-eating. The longer I stay in the cycle of shame, the more weight I gain, the worse I feel about myself… and so on and so forth.

Every step of the cycle feeds into itself.

What the aftermath feels like

While binge-eating, I feel disgusted and embarrassed by myself. Yet, the food comforts some mammalian part of me. It's primal. And in the moment, the thoughts swirling in my head are not calmed, but somehow I feel better equipped to live with them. But that certainly doesn't stop the shame. It's always there.

Binge-eating for me feels like self-hatred. It's like an abusive relationship – sweet one moment, soul-crushing the next. I feel like a failure after giving in to a binge. I feel like I must be the kind of person who can't control their impulses. The shame hits, sinks in, and sticks to my bones.

I am not sure how to break the cycle again. It feels like every time I relapse into binge-eating, I forget how I stopped for so long before the relapse. But I know I can, because I've done it before.

What triggers the binge?

For me, binge-eating happens because of internal matters rather than external matters. In other words, for me, bingeing isn't about the food – it's about not feeling safe enough to handle my strong feelings on my own. Eating feels like a "hug." When we eat with family and friends, it signifies comfort and a sense of safety. But when I eat alone, I often feel lonely or ashamed. This can also trigger binge-eating behaviors. Fortunately, temporary emotions don't define our worth. Just because I feel ashamed doesn't mean I have done something shameful.

How to get out of the spiral

After all, binge eating indicates that someone is struggling —and struggling is human.

Showing ourselves kindness can feel so foreign in moments of self-hatred or self-shame. The best way I get out of shame spirals is by contacting friends. They really know how to tap into the parts of me that feel safe, healthy, and worthy. I am still working on finding activities to replace my binge eating where possible. It's just so frustrating to be dealing with a binge-eating relapse when they happen. (Because life happens.) However, I believe in us and I know that we can move past self-doubt and shame and end the binge-eating cycle of shame… for good!