How to Break the Binge Eating Shame Cycle

Have you noticed that when your confidence takes a hit, your binge eating gets worse?

Not everyone who is classified as 'obese' experiences disordered eating. However, those who have lived with obesity know how difficult it is to break free from the cycle of the binge eating shame.

Understanding the binge eating cycle of shame

What is this cycle, you ask?

The spiral of guilt is what happens when I am feeling down enough to relapse into old binge-eating habits. The longer I stay in this headspace, the more weight I gain, the worse I feel about myself… and so on and so forth. Every step of the cycle feeds into itself.

The emotional aftermath of a binge episode

While binge eating, I feel disgusted and embarrassed by myself. Yet, the food comforts some mammalian part of me. It's primal. And in the moment, the thoughts swirling in my head are not calmed, but somehow I feel better equipped to live with them. But that certainly doesn't stop the feelings of shame. They are always there.

For me, a binge feels like self-hatred. It's like an abusive relationship – sweet one moment, soul-crushing the next. I feel like a failure after giving in to a binge. I feel like I must be the kind of person who can't control their impulses. The binge eating shame hits, sinks in, and sticks to my bones.

I am not sure how to break the cycle again. It feels like every time I relapse into binge eating, I forget how I stopped for so long before the relapse. But I know I can, because I've done it before.

Identifying the internal triggers for binge behavior

For me, episodes happen because of internal matters rather than external matters. In other words, bingeing isn't about the food – it's about not feeling safe enough to handle my strong feelings on my own.

Eating feels like a "hug." When we eat with family and friends, it signifies comfort and a sense of safety. But when I eat alone, I often feel lonely or embarrassed. This can also trigger unhealthy behaviors. Fortunately, temporary emotions don't define our worth. Just because I feel guilty doesn't mean I have done something shameful.

Strategies to escape the shame spiral

After all, disordered eating indicates that someone is struggling—and struggling is human.

Showing ourselves kindness can feel so foreign in moments of self-hatred or self-doubt. The best way I get out of these dark spirals is by contacting friends. They really know how to tap into the parts of me that feel safe, healthy, and worthy. I am still working on finding activities to replace the urge to binge where possible. It's just so frustrating to be dealing with a relapse when they happen - because life happens. However, I believe in us, and I know that we can move past negative self-talk and end the binge eating cycle of shame… for good!